I have no idea why I am so worried about my three week block; I know my students, I get along with my co-operating teacher, my teaching partner is great and I really like my school. Yet I have this impending feeling of doom, kinda like the moment when you get to the top of a roller coaster, only to know you are going to go plunging down. I am teaching an English unit based about the loss of identity and residential schools. This unit has all the aspects that, according to what I have learned in university, good unit should have. It encompasses treaty education, being focused around outcome SI8, uses inquiry for students to dig further into the topic, but also includes some guided teaching that allows for the teacher to cover the main ideas without forcing it on the students. I am using journal entries to have the students make connections between their schooling experience, and the experiences that the character endured. Everything that should be in a unit is there, however I am completely convinced that it will be an epic fail.
I know that pre-internship is the time to fail, but that doesn`t mean I want to fail so bad at a unit that should be good. My concerns are all over the place, what if my books don`t come in on time, or worse what if my co-operating teacher cannot get me my books and I won`t have time to change it. What if the students have already read the book, I checked with my co-op, but that doesn`t mean they haven`t read it in another class. What if students get offend by what I am teaching, residential schools are part of the curriculum, but it feels risky to teach to students in a catholic school. There are so many unknown factors, as well as the wild card factors such as students not showing up, sudden assemblies, when students do not contribute to the discussion and when the overall lesson just isn`t working. How can I manage to teach a unit in such a short time period, as well as being prepared for the unplanned? I feel that at different parts I am being set up for failure, yet I know that this is not the case.
Part of me feels that people, including me, put way too much pressure on pre-internship but at the same time the thought of failing is more stressful than the actual idea of teaching is. When you screw up during a lesson, you can always apologize to the students and re-teach the idea but if I fail the pre-internship than I have to retake it, which puts me a year behind and more money in debt. Teaching does not scare me, bombing a lesson scares me a little, but the idea of actually failing is absolutely terrifying. I know it is not common for people to fail pre-internship, but it happens and usually it happens to people for things beyond their control. Can you fail at pre-internship and still be a good teacher, is it a sign that maybe the career isn’t for you?
I want pre-internship to be easy but at the same time I want it to challenge me so I can learn from my experience. I have so many mixed feelings about pre-internship and I am not sure if the positive outweighs the negative at this point.